Westminster Cocaine Scandal – Exclusive!

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Our Glorious Leader & Prime (Roast) Minister David Hameron has today denied that he is responsible for the traces of cocaine found in multiple bathrooms across the Houses of Parliament. Sources close to Mr. Hameron have also strongly disputed claims that he spent £2.3 million of taxpayers’ money on facial de-hamming procedures in a private clinic.

Meanwhile, the cocaine scandal continues to rumble on, with senior Tories advising that any members caught indulging in ‘Swivel-eyed loon powder’ in Westminster bathrooms will be kicked out of the party with immediate effect.  Members are advised that it is ill-befitting to their station to be found partaking of class-A controlled substances from such lower-class locations as toilet cubicles.

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